Thoughts In Response To 13 Reasons Why

I just finished watching 13 Reasons Why.

I read the book about three years ago and really loved it, so I was disappointed to hear so many negative reviews about the Netflix series. I started hearing words like "triggering" and "dangerous" and worried that I was misremembering something, or that maybe I was wrong for liking it in the first place. After finishing the series tonight though, I stand by my original assessment. Overall, I loved it, although I do see a lot of valid points being made against it. I believe it is absolutely triggering for a lot of people, and I applaud those who are able to recognize that and steer clear. The decision of whether or not to watch this show requires a lot of self-awareness. It will be eye-opening for some and poison for others. (I also think that's true about a lot of things, and not just this particular show. Everything is controversial these days). It was definitely, at times, extremely difficult to watch. I watched much of the finale through my fingers and cried. It's heavy and so heartbreaking. But it's also a reality for so many people. My hope is that amid anger at the show's flaws, we also leave room to grieve the lost and hurt with the hurting.

I may be one of few people who has struggled with self-harm and thoughts of suicide  and wasn't triggered by the show. I credit some of that to already knowing what happens, having read the book. It's easier for me to compartmentalize this particular story as fiction, and I really respect Jay Asher's boldness and willingness to address such a sensitive topic. He created a plot that I found entertaining and suspenseful, and brought characters to life that I either strongly connected with or seriously hated. I emotionally invested in the story and in the characters. The plot demanded my attention. It's fiction, but it's exactly the kind of thing that could happen. That does happen. That's the kind of story I love to read: real, raw, honest. That, in my opinion, is creative brilliance.

I also think the story makes a lot of important points that deserve attention:
- How we treat each other matters.
- We take a lot for granted.
- Our actions have consequences (and we need to take responsibility for both the actions and the consequences).
- Pain is real. [Soapbox: I am a nurse. In health care, pain is considered the sixth vital sign (along with temperature, blood pressure, heart rate, respiratory rate, and oxygen saturation). Pain is literally defined as whatever the person feeling it says it is. We treat it objectively. I so strongly believe that this should be true of all pain: mental, emotional, spiritual. You don't get to tell me what I should or shouldn't be feeling just like I don't get to tell you what you should or shouldn't feel. Pain is real and alive and should be treated as such.]
- You never know what's going on in someone else's head or heart.
- Assumptions are dangerous.
- We only see what other people let us see and vice versa.
- Secrets can kill. Literally and metaphorically. (This one goes deep for me, but more on that another time).

I hope this series gets people talking even more than they already are. We need to talk about the hard things. We all deserve to feel freedom to say what we think and how we feel, even and especially when it's hard. Because life is hard and being a person is hard and we're all in this together. When it comes to the show, do you. Love it, hate it, watch it, or don't. Either way, I strongly encourage you to join the conversation.

Let's talk about pain.
Let's talk about bullying.
Let's talk about mental health.
Let's talk about suicide.
Let's talk about raising awareness.
Let's talk about how to treat each other well.

And let's love each other, because we're all we've got.