Being noticed is maybe the greatest feeling.
Today at work, a doctor noticed I wasn't wearing my ring and asked me about it. It completely caught me off guard, because I maybe see him twice a month, in passing, and he doesn't know a single thing about me apart from what I do for a living which just so happens to be extremely obvious while I'm actually physically doing it. At first this really threw me off, because a.) I wasn't expecting it b.) especially from him, c.) I was already feeling mildly anxious about the busy shift I was starting and d.) I was not prepared for the rush of emotion that surfaced in response to his question. The interaction was brief, and I needed to hide in the break room to text my sister and cry a little afterward, and then it was back to work mode.
But looking back on it now, I'm noticing what else I'm feeling. Noticed, acknowledged, validated, and seen. It was not awkward or degrading or even weird. I simply and vaguely acknowledged that yes, I used to wear a ring on that finger but now I don't and it's probably more or less what you're thinking. All he said was, "I'm sorry, that's really hard." And if you've had a conversation with me in the last five months you know that those exact words are literally the only thing I never mind hearing because they're always true. And that was it. It feels like this extraordinary kindness, having an almost stranger acknowledge this difficult thing I'm forced to do. It was like hearing, "Hey, I see that you're doing a hard thing and I'm truly sorry that it's so hard."
Is this what being on the receiving end of empathy feels like?
There is something so powerful about simply speaking true things, about validating each other's experiences. He didn't have to say a word to me, but I'm grateful and touched that he did. He made me feel noticed and acknowledged in a way that was just kind, and I think people need that more than we realize. I didn't know I needed it.
Empathy is beautiful.
