2017 was the year I fought for. It was a year of pain and parallel self-discovery.
2018 was a year of healing. Of rebuilding and moving forward.
2019 is the year I take it all back.
I love the idea of having a word for this year; one that captures what I hope for, how I carry myself, and what I intend to confidently claim.
I've decided that word is fearless.
As I continue to move along, I notice my pace transforming from trudging to dancing. My current wilderness that is reclaiming and redemption continues to reveal hidden places of pain and places of healing that are still in progress. I don't like looking over my shoulder, although I suppose I can be grateful for the reminder that the worst will always be behind me. It feels a little like having one foot in and one foot out, which will just be true for as long as it needs to be. Still, I'm grateful for the grace to step lightly and learn to dance as I go.
I read this quote several weeks ago, and I've been thinking about it ever since:
"Forever, Emily Dickinson said, is composed of nows. But how do you inhabit the now you are in? How do you stop the ghosts of all the other nows from getting in? How, in short, do you live?"How can I be fully present when I still often inhabit the tension that exists between what I had and what I hope for? How can I best hold space for both healing and hope when they sometimes compete for my energy and attention? How do I thoroughly and intentionally live in this new year?
- Matt Haig, How To Stop Time
I don't have the answers yet, which is okay with me. I'm confident the answers will come as long as I continue asking the questions. So for now, here's my plan:
There is no plan; except to show up and lean in, fearlessly, one day at a time.
Cheers to another one 💋
